That one Time Ozpin decided to fuck it all
by RedJam
Summary: I mean, you've been trying the same strategy for centuries. Why not change it up a bit? A maybe decent shitpost insprised by 'The Night Port went Crazy'


_**This will probably be maybe last story for a bit, because I want to make a legit good chapter for 'A Bad Day' man that sounds so dumb... Anyways, this is somewhat inspired by 'The Night Port went Crazy' by Cormag Ravenstaff. I specialize in shitpost, more specifically: shitposts made in 10 minuets, and this shitpost is the best shitpost I've had the joy to read! But let me stop the whole 'Giving praise' thing and act like a dumb, maybe snarky piece of shit.**_

 _ **-this shall always be a line-**_

One day, Ozpin asked himself 'What can I do to fuck up Salem and her villan brigade?' And then he realized 'Wait, I've been trying the whole 'Be super trolly and mysterious' why not just fuck around with everyone alive this century and just give all the information I know and tell everyone that the apparent 'mindless' creatures actually have a leader. I mean, I'll always be alive as long there is a little boy to possess, so why not try it?' Agreeing with this 'amazing' idea, he (she? I mean, maybe they can possess little girls?) went to his office and pressed the 'I wanna fuck with my students and make this super loud and say it was a mistake' button, a microphone then popped out of his table like the money he bet on Arkos. Wait, fuck it's not volume 3 yet, shi-

 _ **Please excuse the interruption and wait until the author finds a better way to explain how much money Ozpin loss**_

Back to the story. A microphone popped out of his table like the money he bet on Arkos happening before semester 2. Then, he pressed another button. You see, this button is different because it's the '*presses button* "hEy! dId YoU kNoW tHaT gLyNdA hAs LiKe- *vomits everywhere* ThReE tHoUsAnD sEx ToYs?"' Button. Did I forget to mention that this broadcasts this to the entire world? Anyways, the microphone goes and transforms like a power rangers spin off into, I don't even fucking know. Like, I'm looking at the picture, but... HOW do I explain this shit? It looks like if your standard anime character with four forms had a FIFTH form and was turned into a sex toy. I don't know how or why Ozpin decided "This is fine." But it doesn't really affect you, so it doesn't matter.

Now, do ya wanna guess what Ozpin announcement was? Well, too bad. I'm already gonna tell you. Here word for word, is what he said. Well, not exactly word for word...: "Ah. Hello? Can you all hear me? Yes? Good. Now you all may be wondering 'What are you announcing?' And to answer that, your life is a lie, the Grimm have a leader ready to kill us all in roughly 5 five years, the fairytales about the maidens are real, their are relics around the world that can fuck up the leader of the Grimm, sliver-eyed warriors are very much super legit and are the bane to all Grimm, the only known sliver-eyed warrior is a loli, and finally... I technically count as a child rapist." Now, surprisingly, the people didn't care that their life was a lie. One of the leaders of the world technically counting as a child rapist? OH FUCK NO! People made a huge outrage! Their was already over billions of fanfics about Ozpin and little kids! (Don't ask about how that happened even though their maximum population around the world is at most in the millions)

But, like any normal person wanting to save any reputation, he then said all about his wizardry shit and soul possession. It worked. It didn't change shit though. Ruby still doesn't train her fucking sliver-eye abilities even though it can fuck up a actual mythical dragon Grimm! Pyrrha still, thought that having magic abilities she doesn't know what they do and at most because of this make her slightly stronger, can still allow her to fuck up a person with better skills and experience in fighting and the same magic skills she already has! dumb bitch... what? I wouldn't say that about such a well beloved character! No! Never! Anyways, in all because of this Ozpin decided "Fuck it. TIME FOR MAGIC WIZARD MOVES!" Then, he fucked up everything. Except Glynda, he's fucking her up in a different way *insert lenny face*

 ** _-I actually know how to make a line break-_**

 ** _Well, this is now where near the level and idea of Cormags shitpost, but eh. Maybe I can make some future chapters making some details of most of the things Ozpin did in his 'fuck up everything' time. Yes, even the Glynda fucking. (maybe) I totally am gonna make FuckedUpWizard!Ozpin and PETER MOTHERFUCKING PORT fight. Yes I will, and am going the make FuckedUpWizard!Ozpin a thing. If their can be a gamer Jaune that uses op exploits! Then I can make a Ozpin that goes apeshit crazy with wizard shit!_**


End file.
